The books you read.
The people you meet.
And the places you go.
What are you going to start right now to make this year different from last? What are you going to read, who are you going to open yourself up to, where are you going to go?
The books you read.
The people you meet.
And the places you go.
What are you going to start right now to make this year different from last? What are you going to read, who are you going to open yourself up to, where are you going to go?
As I sat and listened to them sharing stories, remembering their time together in Afghanistan, it was like I could see the country through their tales of great people, challenges and the personalities they met there.
Although they were stationed there for different missions from different governments they shared coffee and connections freely. In preparation for finishing his deployment the Major had systematically shared many of his connections with his French buddy. Leveraging his relationship to help another gain favor and begin much further ahead than he would have been if left on his own.
This exchange of contacts had a huge impact on the Major, his friend and I can only imagine even more on the Afghan people.
Connections matter. Sharing those connections freely matters more.
When I was 25 years old, I was living more like how 45 year olds might live.
Brand new big house in the ‘burbs, two fancy cars in the drive, great job, married to my high school gal. I even dressed the part. Hey, you need to act as if, right?! And I did, climbing that corporate ladder and always reaching for what was next. I rarely was satisfied with where I was. I was always looking for the next move.
The problem was I was missing the ride. I focused so much on the future that I missed out on a lot of the present. Living ahead was causing me to lose today. I hear a lot of people talk about living in “the present” and I have to admit, it’s still really difficult for me. I love to dream. I don’t have a magic recipe that works and all of a sudden – boom! – you’re living contently with where you are today. But I have managed to eek out a few things that seem to help me.
Focusing on tomorrow isn’t evil, but it can keep you from being open to what today is all about.
Too many of us are working to check things off a list, working so we can get back to wasting time. Wasting time doing something meaningless is still doing nothing; it just has a different flavor. But the tide is turning – turning towards working hard to make an impact, to make a difference, to create and build.
I’m reading Blue Like Jazz. I know I’m about 10 years late on this one, but it was only $3 on Amazon. Donald Miller says this:
I was under the impression that this was life until a few years ago. I mean, who doesn’t love coming home to watch Mad Men or Seinfeld reruns and just decompressing? The thing is, Candy Crush Saga doesn’t improve you in any way. When I was a kid, I loved TV so much my dad actually offered to pay me to take a month off. I wish I would have taken it. I don’t own a TV today even though Amazon Prime sneaks its way on to my iPad at times. I’m not professing not to struggle with wasting time, I’m confessing. Here are a few freakishly practical things that help me get more done:
Let’s not waste another minute. The wasting time, the cost of doing nothing, is too high.
The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing. – Burke
Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing. – Aristotle
I love reading quotes like these because it seems doing nothing has become something of a badge of honor. Too many businesses hoping for a huge payday so they can go lay on a beach somewhere. Too many people playing the lottery and hoping for much of the same. Too few are doing things that matter.
I feel the tide is changing: from working towards the elusive carefree life, to working towards making an impact. People want to make a difference and are hungry for making and doing things that matter. Although I feel like we are more inclined than ever to waste time, it’s a trick. Wasting time doing something meaningless is still doing nothing; it just has a different flavor.
Games, TV, movies. What could you have made with that hour? What could you have created? How could you have made an impact?
I often get asked, “How did you survive your divorce? You seem to really be happy now.”
One friend even confided in me years after my divorce, “I like you a lot more now.”
The answer is pretty simple:
It didn’t happen overnight, however there’s something powerful about hitting your knees and really asking for Him to lead you. He will do it. It’s crazy.
We can argue about what it means to “survive” or what it means to be “happy”. All I can tell you is that when I began to listen, He began to provide – a whole new career, true healing, time, renewed passion for life, a perfect woman. Sounds good right?! Trust me I couldn’t have planned this.
To be sure, there are still times when the scars resurface. Most of the time it’s when I begin to add too much of me and not enough of God in my life; when I read the Word less; when I am off on my own thing. That’s when it’s the most difficult.
Come to think of it, this is true no matter if you are divorced or not. It just happens to be my story.
One thing that I would like to add about getting through a divorce is that if you are in the process of planning to get married, you might want to consider researching whether a prenuptial agreement might be right for you. One of my friends is currently in the early stages of getting a divorce, and although he is of course sad that his marriage has come to an end, taking out a prenuptial agreement has made the process of dividing his assets with his former wife so much easier.
Put simply, a prenuptial agreement is a document that couples can choose to sign before they get married. In short, this document outlines how property and assets should be divided if the relationship ends in divorce. A prenup can include anything from cash sums to intellectual property rights and shares. You can learn more about the benefits of putting a prenup in place by contacting a team of Los Angeles prenup attorneys or a team of family law specialists in your area.
Have you ever been through a divorce? If so, feel free to share your story below. Getting a divorce is not always going to be easy, but it is important to remember that you do not need to suffer in silence.
A good friend challenged me after the earlier post commenting that; “I didn’t quite make good” on my title and teaching on how to apply the content of “The Pain is in the Wrong Place” post.
I like a good challenge and those who are courageous enough to help, make us better. So here goes…
Too often we miss out on valuable lessons because, as my dad would say, “the pain was in the wrong place”. For a long time I didn’t know exactly what he meant by that. However, through some stories (like “The Beast”) and mishaps in my life, I’m beginning to learn it.
The pain is in the wrong place when:
…your wife feels wronged by you but won’t talk to you about it (and vice versa).
…a friend keeps the truth to themselves when they could share and heal the situation.
…students are required to buy a physical book when it could easily be delivered electronically, just because it’s what happened the previous 40 years and keeps someone employed.
…a supervisor punishes an entire team for the actions of one individual (see also Don’t Use a Shotgun).
…a small business owner who needs to grow (or hire or buy equipment) can’t because someone in government, who has never owned or operated a small business, decides the rules (insurance, taxes, business licenses, take your pick).
Having the pain in the right place is the key. If not, then make moves to get it there.
I’m not advocating that it takes pain to learn. However, if some form of learning “pain” isn’t where it should be, no one wins (or learns).
Family bonds are some of the strongest many of us will experience.
Brothers and sisters, mothers and sons, husbands and wives, you name it. Families can be our greatest source of strength or one of our greatest challenges, sometimes both.
Today my younger, but not so little, brother is moving to Hawaii. It’s causing reflection and emotions I wasn’t expecting. It seems like just minutes ago we became friends. With 11 years separating us, it wasn’t until his college years — my recently divorced time — that we connected and began what I now cherish. My family is close; I am blessed for that.
So today I realize that good family ties are rare and strong. They cause you to grow and they keep you grounded. They give you the strength to punch fear in the face when the time is right. Fear is what keeps most of us from trying anything new. From writing that book, from moving to Hawaii, from taking the test, from being generous when the person looks different.
Fear isn’t what God intended for us. But making the most of today, is. He wants families, healthily and strong. He wants courage, in our actions and our words. He wants our connection to traverse across an ocean, a country or even down the street.
Selfishly, I’d love for my little brother to hang around for me to enjoy and do life with everyday. But I know that we will do life together in new and different ways . . . beginning today.
There are days I wish I were a peacemaker.
There are days when I manage to make peace.
Most days I am ready for battle at a moments notice, it’s right under the surface and in so many ways it’s my Achilles heel.
It is both a blessing and a curse. I’m blessed to be passionate, to be action driven, to always be ready to engage. However, the flip side to this coin can be damage to relationships, words said that can’t be unsaid and arguments that could have been simple discussions.
It’s getting better but it’s still there.
I am not a natural peacemaker, and I own that.
On the way to a meeting I stopped by a local gas station to fill up and snag a drink. Sam, the kid behind the counter, was probably 10 or 11 years old working with his dad.
Sam’s dad was coaching him on greeting customers, taking cash, credit and thanking us as we left. It was golden.
I’m not sure Sam knew how valuable a lesson he was getting behind that counter. It reminded me of so many lessons I learned (sometimes I had no idea I was learning), at the hands of my dad. The value of how to interact with others, handle money, open a bank account, ask for forgiveness for a job not well done. I learned a lot behind my own “counter” with the steady hand of my dad behind me. Guiding me, coaching me, calling me out and telling me when I hit the mark. It honed so many things that I continue to use today.
If you don’t have a “counter” for your kids to learn these things at, find one.
If you aren’t behind that “counter” with your kids, join them there.
If you still don’t have that steady hand or coach, you need to find it. Or rediscover an old steady hand.
It’s never too late to learn and hone the skills of human interaction, sometimes even manual labor or making change at a register is good for the soul.